רשת האינסטגרם היא אחד המקומות הכי יפים בעולם הוירטואלי. פרופילים על גבי פרופילים מציגים כוכבים וצבעים עדינים, חדרי ילדים מושלמים, בגדים נכונים, שחור ולבן, קפה מצוין, שמיים כחולים, מלונות מפנקים, בריכות כחולות על חוף הים ולא מעט אימהות מושלמות שטובעות בתוך כל הטוב הזה.

בפועל, לא בטוח שכל כוסות הקפה שהן שותות מגיעות עם קצף בצורת לב או לפחות חמות. הרי מה שאנחנו רואות בתמונות לא תמיד מייצג את האמת. מי כמונו יודעת שהחיים עם ילדים קטנים משאירים הרבה יותר סימני עייפות בעיניים, פליטות על הבגדים ושיער מלא קשרים.

רייצ'ל רולינג, אמא טריה בת 30 מסידני ובעלת חשבון אינסטגרם שווה במיוחד, מעלה מדי יום תמונות מושלמות במיוחד אבל עם סיפורים מצחיקים ואמיתיים החושפים את האמת מאחורי התמונות.

"הבוקר במהלך המקלחת שלי שארכה 36 שניות, מצאתי שאריות עוף מבושלות בטבור שלי", מתחיל טקסט המלווה תמונה מושלמת שלה בשמלה לבנה מהממת כשהיא אוחזת את הבן המושלם לא פחות שלה. "מה שלא רואים בתמונה הזו זה את סימני המתיחה שעל הבטן שלי שנראית כמו קרם בורלה", מתחיל כיתוב אחר הנלווה לתמונת בגד ים שלה.

'Go have some 'you' time', he said. 'You deserve it', he said. 'Get your nails done, have a breather', he said … 👍🏼💅🏻👸🏼. So I hopped in the car, cranked up J Lo's 'I'm Real' & was ready to do some sick doughnuts & absinthe shots 🙋🏼. And then I realised that this elasticised womb & subsequent hormones have made me weak as shit & there's no place I'd rather be than home with my cute AF wolf pack. So instead, I left my brunch makeup on & 'sunbaked' in the yard 🌴. What you can't see in this photo though is half the EE's resting on the ground, stomach skin that looks like a half demolished creme brûlée & a 25 kilo dog sitting between my legs (not a pun about my bikini line) 🐶🌳. Side note: Can't wait till my boobs no longer look like Jared Leto's arm in 'Requiem for a Dream' 🙈. Didn't manage a tan but managed to play the worlds smallest violin about being an agoraphobic 🏡🚫 Happy Sunday ❤️

A photo posted by JR ✖️ RR ✖️ RR (@rachelle.rowlings) on Nov 5, 2016 at 11:46pm PDT

בתמונה הזו מתארת רולינג את המציאות מול איך שהתמונה נראית ואת התלאות שעברה עד שהתיישבו על חוף הים.

Picturesque isn't it?! 🍹 Reality 😳: Bondi busier than a Bunnings sausage sizzle. Stroller as functional as post birth bladder so suffer flesh wound removing from boot. Thigh friction rash & under breast sweat walking to Icebergs. No pram access (use death trap service elevator). Breast feed on some discarded plastic crates. Carry our 10 kilo beefcakes down 'these scream fatality' stairs. No seats, no shade & a 'wait, are babies even allowed here?!' squint from regulars. Roman chokes on hat cord. Battling hair in mouth wind with no hair tie & a river of upper lip sweat. Both babies screaming while non English speaking tourists take photos. Roman's 'English ancestry' skin now in trauma. Forgot organic sunscreen. Take 315 'suck gut in' photos. Retreat 🔫 Go to shaded cafe & order poly saturated fats to numb the pain. Never talk about what just happened. Stay home for the next 15-17 years ✔️ #imnobecjudd

A photo posted by JR ✖️ RR ✖️ RR (@rachelle.rowlings) on Nov 2, 2016 at 11:04pm PDT

פטמות פצועות, סבתא לא הגיעה, טראמפ הוא הנשיא ועוד.

The story of …. before 12pm today 😳: – Serious nipple slashing from infant/miniature UFC fighter 🗡 – Hands same colour as timber flooring from 7 layers of tan 👋🏾 – Shampoo in retina casualty whilst multitasking hair wash with peekaboo 👀⚡️ – 3rd degree GHD upper ear burn 🔥 – Dizzy from nail polish fumes slash realisation I'm having to paint own toenails 🖕🏼 – Sweat level intensity rising; replace organic teatree deo with man's aluminium stick because apparently post pregnancy sweat glands are steroid users 💦💪🏼 – Breast feed on right angle, on top of towel with no body contact to ensure minimal tan/hair damage 👸🏼 – Look fat in dress; Visit local boutique only to be CUT OUT of a Size 6 (currently claiming new identity) Sorry Camilla & Marc/upper ribs 🐷 – Point at child's location to incoming Grandmother 👵🏻 – No time/emotional stability for eye/lip liner 😫 – Get sad whilst thinking about 'President' Trump 😡 – Order largest most expensive cocktail on menu 🍹 – Arrive home to this though ❤️👼🏼 … You got me good 'last day in my 20's', reaaaalllll goooood!!! #canijuststayinmy20sforever #notsureabout30 #orthosecrowsfeet #goodshoesthough #stilldrunk

A photo posted by JR ✖️ RR ✖️ RR (@rachelle.rowlings) on Nov 9, 2016 at 10:59pm PST

ולקטנצ'יק, לו היא קוראת המפקד, היו היום לא מעט סיבות לטנטרום. הנה כמה מהן.

Reasons why Lord Commander had a tantrum today 👇🏼 🌟I wouldn't let him eat his nappy. 🌟He couldn't get to my nipple through my shirt. 🌟I wouldn't let him lick the dog. 🌟I pulled his hand away from the Foxtel box. 🌟I put his teether in my mouth. 🌟He farted and scared himself. 🌟It was too bright outside. 🌟I didn't let him roll off the change table. 🌟I wouldn't let him have any of my seared salmon salad. 🌟He couldn't grab water. 🌟I stopped him violently playing with his penis. 🌟I cut his Guinness World record nails. 🌟I changed the channel. 🌟I wouldn't let him suck on my ponytail. 🌟My phone light turned off. 🌟He couldn't see the dog. 🌟I wouldn't let him chew my toenails. 🌟I sang along to 'Paw Patrol'. 🌟He poked himself in the eye with his spoon. 🌟He got sweet potato in his nostril. 🌟I wouldn't let him put sand in my eyeball. If you need me I'll be hiding in the closest. #thiskid #ithoughtiwashighmaintenance #gotnothingonthecommander #shit #pleasestopcopyingtheseemma #getyourownmaterialdarl 😘

A photo posted by JR ✖️ RR ✖️ RR (@rachelle.rowlings) on Nov 15, 2016 at 10:48pm PST

סוף שבוע?! אין לזה באמת סוף!

I love the term 'TGIF' 🙌🏼 … I used to think 💭 'Honestly babe, you've had the toughest week. You deserve this weekend. Go large. Treat yo self. Relax. Book a massage darl. Stare at a wall for an hour. Lay in bed & look at those split ends. Sit in silence & add a little sigh thinking about your sensational life, silky breast skin & tight pelvic floor' 👏🏼. Our weekend now?! Lets break it down. Week-end?! There's no end ‼️Commander doesn't flip us a peace sign & head to Avalon for a mini break ✌🏼️Saturday & Sunday are a compilation of 'He's reaching for that double adaptor', 'Did he just piss on the dog?!', 'Wow broccoli comes out the same as it went in!', 'Is that a fart or a shart?!', 'Do you reckon that gin has gone into my breast milk yet?!', 'Is that rash hospital worthy?!' 'Should we get Foodora or have tuna & rice?!' 😳 … So I'll pass on your TGIF & instead trump you with a TGIMITAWWAKTK (Thank god I made it through another week without accidentally killing the kid) ✔️Enjoy your Saturday night, shmucks 🖕🏼#whysobitter #sobitterandsotired #luckilyhescuteAF #andwillonedayposeinthesamephoto #butholdingmeintheair xx

A photo posted by JR ✖️ RR ✖️ RR (@rachelle.rowlings) on Nov 18, 2016 at 11:21pm PST

"בני היקר בן ה-25. אני עוברת לגור אתך. כשלא תתן לי לשחק בטלפון שלך אני אתחרפן, כשיבואו אליך חברים אני אעשה קקי על הרצפה או אולי פשוט על הידיים שלך ואם ממש תרצה שאני אלך לישון תן לי להתמקם לך על הפיטמה".

Dear 25 year old son 👱🏼, I'm going to move in with you, yeah? Chew on your bag straps & spazz out when you won't let me salivate on your iPhone📱 Have some friends over & i'll shit on the floor and/or in your hand?! And you're cool to rock me to sleep yeah?! How about I just have a nibble on your nipple while I'm there, just for comfort ❤️I'm also going to wake you 4 to 5 times a night 😂 Mainly because I'm gassy. Rock me then too. And it's cool if I jump on your pelvis yeah?! Alternating between that & an eyeball gauge! Chewing is overrated so mince my food babe & sudocrem my ass crack when it's get a wee bit inflamed 👌🏻Get it right in there! After what you did to my bladder you'll also need to tena lady me but I'm not going to lay still, you'll have to apply it while I'm doing commando rolls 😬 I'll also enjoy wiping unknown substances on my clothes so do a few loads of washing. Soak not spin 👍🏼 I'd also like you to hold me on my feet all day while I chew random objects. Oh last thing, I'm a close talker so personal space me on the regular 💘 Ta. Mummy 💋 Ps. Instagram me in cute poses on the daily. #mummyforthewin

A photo posted by JR ✖️ RR ✖️ RR (@rachelle.rowlings) on Nov 22, 2016 at 10:32pm PST

"אנשים יקרים בלי ילדים גם אני הייתי פעם כמוכם. אני זוכרת זאת היטב: לענות להודעות טקסט, לחכות בסבלנות שהתה יתקרר, לתהות האם כבר היה 4 בבוקר, לתהות אם אני פשוט עייפה, רעבה ולהגיד 'וואו בחיים לא הייתי כל כך עייפה'. שימו לב שאם אני לא עונה לכם להודעות אני בדיוק משמשת כסולם אנושי כרגע".

To dear people without children 🕵🏼‍♀️… I used to be one of you 👸🏼 I remember it well; replying to texts promptly, weeing freely, eating with utensils, impatiently waiting for tea to cool, questioning if there even was a 4am, wondering if it was boredom or hunger, phrases such as 'I swear I've never ever been this tired' & 'I don't know, what do you want to do?!' 🍻🍷🍸🍹Please be aware that when I'm not responding to your text, I'm being pinned to the ground by a chubby minor or used as a human ladder 💣When I don't pick up the phone it's most likely that I'm scrubbing hardened poo from my fingernails 💅🏼 If I miss evening drinks then I've fallen asleep on myself on the toilet 🚽 & if you feel our friendship is slipping, remember that for 97% of the day I am either covered in vomit, regurgitated fruits or my own milk 🍼 Completely understand that you're probs exhausted from the gym, hungover or booking a contiki but feel free to pop in, make faces at the kid, bring muffins & tell me how motherhood has had no impact on my body or facial skin 👌🏼 Love always, Your future 👋🏼 #wanttohangout #ismelllikefoot #andcrustymilk #illmostlikelyjusttalkaboutthekid #orscullhardenedliquor #dontgetoutmuch #yolo #stillwearinghats #tohidemymullet

A photo posted by JR ✖️ RR ✖️ RR (@rachelle.rowlings) on Dec 6, 2016 at 10:29pm PST